Please don't vomit on me!

Mean looking old lady

“Why, oh why didn’t I book the minibus when I had the chance,” was going through my mind as I sat on the local bus going to Luang Prabang, desperately willing the old lady who was standing behind me not to vomit on me.

***

My large backpack has lightened slightly since I gave away the school supplies in the Khmu village. This allowed me to be more mobile so I did the take-a-tuk-tuk-to-the-bus-station-and-go-on-a-local-bus maneuver. I’ve been on so many similar local buses previously and by now I believe I have seen it all. This ride was no different; in fact, it might have been a summary of local bus rides.

Local bus

The buses were labeled in Lao writing so I had to ask around which one was bound for Luang Prabang. I like to do a triangulation: ask three different people and if they all point to the same bus, we’re good to go. The luggage handler/conductor took my backpack and placed it inside the bus on the last row of seats. I was relieved that it wasn’t going to the roof, you never know if they strap it down securely. On this bus only motorbikes went on the roof. I have no idea how they got them up there.

The bus wasn’t overcrowded with people but it was full of their luggage and sacks of whatever they were transporting, rice most likely. Surprisingly there weren’t any chickens on this bus, probably because chickens go first class.

Sacks of rice on the bus

The bus ran into a roadblock on the way. An excavator was apparently trying to save a giant truck whose wheel seemed to have fallen off. When our bus arrived at the scene they were fixing the excavator which broke down and couldn't move to unblock the road to allow traffic to pass. Many people gathered around and after much shouting and waving and several men working it was eventually fixed so we could move on.

Roadblock

No local bus ride is complete without a flat tire. This one was no exception.

Flat tire

To spice it up a little, there was the old lady who wanted to throw up on me. Actually, two old ladies boarded the bus soon after we started. One of them sat on a seat across from me and the other one behind me. The conductor fussed over them, not because they were so old and frail, but because they were either carsick or were afraid of becoming carsick or it was just their first time on a bus. He opened the windows widely so they could have fresh air and handed them a plastic bag each which I understood was to be used as a barf bag.

Old lady with a barf bag

The old lady across from me just sat there helplessly, pressing the bag to her mouth. The one behind me was more restless, though. She was standing up most of the time, holding onto the seat in front of her – the seat on which I was sitting. Her hands kept on grabbing the seat and as the bus was swaying she clawed my head several times. I tried moving to the other side of the seat but she also kept moving and I felt like I just couldn’t get away from her grip. In addition, she was also holding her barf bag and I hoped so much she wouldn’t throw up right there, standing over me.

I wanted to take a photo of her but she looked so mean I wasn’t sure if that was such a good idea. She was wearing a baseball cap and she was carrying a machete holstered to her belt (this is not unusual, many locals carry machetes to hack through the jungle when they go to their fields). I debated with myself what would happen if I risk taking a photo, would she hack me to pieces? But I thought she owed me at least this much with the stress she was causing me. I tentatively pointed my camera at her and gave her a questioning look to ask if it was OK. She nodded yes! I quickly snapped a photo (but not quickly enough as she removed her baseball cap for the portrait) and put the camera away, just in case she changed her mind and wanted to hack me anyway.

After about four hours of hoping and wishing they wouldn't vomit, the old ladies finally got off the bus. I was so grateful. Perhaps I still haven't seen it all with respect to local bus rides. This was definitely the most stressful one in my life.